My uncle abused me.
I was 10 years old when it started.
At 13 he told me I was no longer wanted because I had started to develop.
At 16 I was ready to kill him.
Today, I’m broken.
Today, I only breathe to survive.
My name’s Sergeant Major Ryan Jenkins and today, I’m ready to tell you my story.
“Master would flog me if I did, she won’t be happy when I tell her what happened here.
5 of 5 Yes, Master
Yes, Master is on effing incredible read! I mean you will get lost in a world where there is hurt, loss, and revenge. How is it that some people can look themselves in the mirror day after day knowing they are a monster? Ryan's uncle and his friends are monsters we hear about but never see. This is Ryan's story and what a story it is.
Ryan from the tender age of 10 is molested but his uncle and his friends. His uncle believes in sharing him until he turns 13 and starts to develop. When he is 13 his uncle stops touching him and Ryan is determined to kill his uncle but Ryan's mother has other plans for him and she sends him into the army. Once Ryan is in the army he is so lost because he is angry and wants revenge but thank God he has his best friend Mason. Mason is there for him like no other and together their friendship gets stronger.
Then Ryan meets Master.... Lord Master she is something special and a force in and of herself. She knows Ryan is broken and she wants to help him. She knows she is in for a very difficult sub but she is ready to take it on. She will teach Ryan what he went through was not his fault and he has to let go of the past in order to embrace the future. Can being a sub be what Ryan needs or will he still hold on to the anger and revenge he has set in his heart?
Can Master Stella teach Ryan to love himself and move on or will he get lost in the world of BDSM????????? This is a must read! I need more because I love Ryan to pieces.
The lyrics of ‘Now Comes the Night’ tell me not to be afraid. But afraid is exactly what I am.
Afraid to close my eyes.
Afraid to have them open.
Afraid of all the years that were taken from me.
Afraid of the hurt that exists in every part of my broken soul.
Afraid to live.
Sitting in my family room with a tumbler of Jack in my hand all I can do is stare around the havoc that is my life, everywhere I look I see the mess that surrounds me.
In one corner there are newspapers and bills which are stacked in piles, disheveled, a lot like my mind.
In another corner, discarded dirty clothes that are waiting for them to be picked up and cared for, exactly like my body.
Behind me lies rubbish strewn carelessly, hoping that one day they’ll be thrown out, exactly like my soul.
It’s been twenty three years since the first night where that beast touched me. Twenty three years of embarrassment and shame have followed and enveloped me. Twenty three years have gone by where only one living being knows what happened, the beast that I didn’t get to kill.
The day I turned sixteen was the day I was going to kill him, it was also the day that my mom intervened and enrolled me into the army. I woke up that morning knowing I was going to take his life, but I went to bed that night in quarters with another twenty nine males.
My mom couldn’t tolerate my behavior any longer, the fighting, the hatred I had towards everyone, the dark words that I’d spit out at anyone that would listen. No one understood why I was like that, so I was shipped out with my mom packing my bags and taking me to the barracks herself.
That was also the best decision she could’ve made for me. In the seventeen years since I’ve been in the army, I’ve quickly raised through the ranks. I’m a Sergeant Major with a thousand men to command, this is the easy part. Being given orders and following them to a tee then commanding my men in the way The United States Army has trained me to.
At work I’m totally in control, I expect absolute excellence and I certainly don’t tolerate ill behavior. The Army’s taught me patience and control. But no matter what I do, the moment I’m home and the uniform comes off, I can’t find that balance and I can’t bring that control over to my personal life.
I’m sure on the outside I look like a man that has it all, a man other men envy, a man others want to be, a man women want and a man most would want in their existence.
But, I don’t wish my life on anyone.
My phone starts ringing, and all my now sluggish brain can do is look around from the chair I’ve sunk into and wonder where in this hell hole my phone is.
Throwing back the contents of the tumbler, I feel the burn slide down my throat, and its enticing temporary numbing ways makes me forget, even for a split second what exactly I’m looking for.
But it rings again, and this time I know that I need to answer it. It may be Joanna calling me about Lucy. Maybe Lucy’s hurt, maybe I need to get to her quickly. My mind instantly clears and I jump out of the seat, because if I need to get to my daughter, then I don’t want to be in this mindset. The phone stops ringing while I look for it, but starts again with the same standard ring tone. I finally find it, buried in the bottom of my work bag.
Looking at the screen it’s coming up a private number. Thank god, it’s not Joanna.
“Hello.” My voice is all rough from the burn of the liquid that allows me a sliver of sanity.
“Ryan, you sound like shit.”
“Mason, fuck man. The hell happened to you?” Mason Carter’s my best friend since I can remember. Actually he’s my only friend since I can remember.
“I got a couple of weeks off from shooting and I’m back. You got Lucy this weekend?”
“Nah, Joanna has her. What have you got in mind?”
“I’m thinking of coming up for a few days, to spend some time with my best mate. What do you think Ry, can you fit me into your busy schedule?” he says with a chuckle in his voice.
And my stomach does that little twist it always did when I’d hear Mason laugh. I’m not gay, I don’t do guys, but Mason being around always did something to me. I noticed it after he told me he no longer wanted me. I mean that’s pretty fucked up right?
“Sounds great, you got somewhere to stay?” I can feel my own blood starting to pump harder through my body.
“I was hoping on staying with you. Look, I’ve been invited to an awards event Saturday night. Wanna come as my plus one?” He lets out another chuckle.
“What the fuck, Mase. Really? Take a woman will you.”
“She’s the one that told me to meet her there.” I feel a slight twinge of disappointment, he has a woman? I mean I should be delighted for him, shouldn’t I?
“Oh, who is she?” I ask feigning happiness for him.
“I’ll tell you about it when I see you, bro. Gotta go, so I’ll see you on Friday. What time are you due home from work?”
“I’ll be home by 1700. I can leave a key with Kaitlyn next door though if you’re coming earlier.”
“Nah 5pm works for me, see you then.” He hangs up and I go over and sink back into my seat. I let the worn fabric of the chair scratch up against the backs of my legs as I replay the conversation I just had with my best friend.
I hear his chuckle again and my cock twitches in my shorts. Closing my eyes I try and not imagine how he looks.
The second last time I saw him he was detoxing and looked like shit, his straggly oily hair hung over his face, and his body was too skinny. He look almost emaciated, his skin was too big for his body with his bones protruding through.
Two years ago Mason was so heavily into drugs that I thought he’d die. I was waiting for the phone call from his parents telling me when and where the funeral was. He was a changed man for those few years that he kept his habit up, he was unpredictable and totally untrustworthy, but I never gave up on him.
Whenever he needed a place to stay, I always had my front door open for him unless Lucy was staying with me. No matter what he did, I always had his back. He stole from me, he used me and he even tried to pick fist fights with me, but I was unwavering. I knew it was the drugs and I tried to help him as much as I could. I mean, who was I to judge him?
Then one night when I was watching TMZ, they announced that Mason had gone into rehab.
That was the last I saw of him, until 12 months ago, when he ended up on my door step. He was looking healthy and also extremely ashamed. That night he explained how he was at his breaking point and a woman saved him, but that’s all he told me and I never pushed him to reveal more than he wanted.
We all have secrets we don’t ever want to share. We all have skeletons lurking in our closets, just the size of the bones change from person to person.
Breathing deeply through my nose as those memories play around in my head, I notice I’ve willed my cock into submission and the thought of being attracted to Mason totally disgusts me again, I’m not gay.
I open my eyes and look around the room and think, I best get this place looking like my life is in order and not just the broken empty shards that lay like an unfinished jigsaw puzzle it actually is.
I startle awake as I leap off the bed and sprawl on the floor. “Ry!” Mason yells from the other side of the door. I jump up off the floor and swing the bedroom door open.
“You scared the shit out of me, Mason.” I run my hand over my eyes and face trying to wake up. “What do you want, man?” But I’m met with silence. When I look over at Mase, he’s staring at my body. He’s mouth’s open and his eyes are so wide.
He rakes his stare down my body, then back up again. He lifts an eyebrow as he ogles me. I look down and notice I’m completely naked. I fell asleep on my bed with just the towel wrapped around me and he scared me with his bashing that now I’m standing before him totally exposed.
He’s not moving away, and neither am I. “Mason.” I lower my voice as he looks up at me and just stares. He can see straight through me, totally bare and open, for him to see all my secrets. “We need to leave in an hour,” Mase says as he takes a step closer to me.
I can feel his heat, and my body instantly reacts to him. Don’t be a coward Ryan, just reach out and touch him. His brown eyes turn from a hard brown into a molten chocolate as we stand a mere step apart from each other. Our breathing is labored and rapid.
Mason reaches forward and brings his hand up to my chest, but before he touches me, his demeanor changes and he retracts it, dropping it beside his body. “I can’t,” he whispers as he turns away from me and goes into his bedroom. My head spins as I close my door and stand completely ashamed in my room. He doesn’t want me.
Why would he? I’m broken.
Yes, Master is ON SALE for only 99 PENNIES!!!
I don't do 'normal'. I've found that the more I write, the more I like being different to other authors. I write in first person, and I love to challenge a reader.
I take the normal and switch it around. For me, I really enjoy getting a reaction from a reader. So if I can evoke an emotion (regardless of if it's the emotion the reader wants) then I figure that I've done my job as an author I want to be.
I really quite revel in taking people out of their comfort zones and pushing them to read something different. My genre of writing is, well quite frankly, where ever my mind goes. I won't label myself because I don't like sticking to one genre.
My goal with writing is just to take people away from whatever is going on in their lives, even if it's only for a split second. I'm a go with the flow sort of person and don't really take a course of action to get where I am going.
I live in the moment and don't usually worry about tomorrow because whatever life is due to bring me, I'll be happy to accept. I love my family and friends and will help anyway I can if someone needs it.
I really don't like people that are nasty just because they can be, I don't believe that's necessary, I mean life's hard enough as it is!
I hope you enjoy my books, I've had a hoot writing them.
There's more to come..... Til next time. M xx
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