Dear grouchy neighbor: I’m considering your offer and need clarification before proceeding. Despite being an artist, I think you know that as a busy New Yorker, I am also practical and straightforward.
That said, I need to make sure you know that this could never turn into anything serious. I don’t care if you’re trying to get over your ex-girlfriend or hoping she’ll eventually want to get back together with you - just don’t project your messy feelings about her onto me.
Because, despite your resemblance to an underwear model, I won’t be falling for you. Ever.
Yours, with clear boundaries,
PS. I’d like to be very clear that regardless of whether or not we do this, nothing will change my feelings for your dog (and we both know she loves me too).
Dear nutty neighbor: As a lawyer, I must clarify that I never made an offer. It was a suggestion regarding the possibility of a non-permanent, no-strings-attached arrangement between two consenting adults whose beds are separated by a wall.
As a man who shares your disdain for messy feelings, I applaud your confidence in your ability to not fall for me. Hold on to that. I’d also like to make it clear that I don’t care if you want to get over your crush on your boss or if you still hope he’ll realize you’re the woman of his dreams. That said, I definitely wasn’t thinking about my ex-girlfriend when I kissed you in the laundry room, and I’m quite sure you weren’t thinking about your boss.
As a dog daddy, I'm glad you're so taken with my girl. But if you try to steal her I will get all Liam Neeson up in your pretty face.
As a busy New Yorker, I think clear boundaries are hot. I have one hour free to blow your mind tonight. So turn off Netflix, put down that glass of wine, and let’s do this.
Yours for now,
Narrated by Teddy Hamilton and Mackenzie Cartwright
Yesterday he decided he wanted me. Today I am his property.
I thought my father's money made me special. Then Darko Lijander taught me otherwise. He did much more than just strip me bare, spank me until I called him master, and claim me as roughly as he pleased...he showed me what real power looks like in the most shameful way possible.
As I am taken from my home to his waiting helicopter, naked, blushing, and already very, very thoroughly used, I have no idea what he has in store for me, but one thing is abundantly clear.
I am now his property.
Narrated by Wen Ross